Breaking up with a Forum....or maybe not.

I can be such a spaz! :) While my recent experience on my favorite forum was difficult I have discovered a few things. First off, I did receive and apology for the comment left on my visitor messages. That is something I really appreciate. Secondly, was that I feel way too protective over a forum that I have no ownership of! It is not my forum and I do not get to say how or when the mods get to do their jobs. Lesson learned :)


I cannot believe I am about to write this. I guess we are an internet age when leaving a forum hurts like this. The Hive was my safe place. Not because the posters were perfect and we all agreed, but because the moderators seemed to have great boundaries. I do not know how they did it, but I was so proud of them. They did not shut down every thread, discussion was allowed and even when threads were shut down there was humor from the mods.

Fast forward to yesterday; yes, I started a thread knowingly against board rules. There had been numerous little rules violations going on for a week or so. No single one was a major violation or tattle worthy issue, but in total the atmosphere was becoming increasingly tense and stressful. Maybe not for every one, but definetly for myself.

So, I tried to start a somewhat humorous thread with a gentle reminder that there were some rules guiding the forum. I knew it would get deleted and I reported my post myself so that the mod could find it quickly and take care of it. I am not saying what I did was the best course of action, but I made the best decision I felt comfortable with. What happened next was quite shocking for me.

The mod not only deleted the thread (which was perfectly understandable) but, proceeded to blame me for all the extra work I had made her do. I am sorry, but I did not cause her more work. Other people made their own choices, but the only thing I was responsible for was my post. To blame me for all the extra work is a bit like blaming the member of a family who identifies a problem....as being the problem.

From there the mod  proceeded to post a visitor message on my profile. Something anyone can see. This is blatant intimidation and public shaming. For many this would not be a big deal. For me it is. I do not feel safe in an environment where authorities wield their power in this way.

I am sad about the loss of support and relationships I had developed. Thankfully, I made many wonderful friends who I get to continue in relationship with.

Edited: Here is the message I sent the moderator. And her response. Guess I am supposed to consider the treatment as some sort of Christmas gift.

Today, 01:12 PM

Moderator  WTM Forum Moderator Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 155

Re: In regards to deleting my thread Merry Christmas. Moderator Quote: Originally Posted by simka2 First off I have know idea if this goes out to one Moderator or more than one. So, if you are not the Moderator who deleted my thread and wrote me a visitor message I apologize. That said, what you did was uncalled for and far worse than my little thread. Do not blame me for what others choose to do. I owned my thread post, but that's ALL I am responsible for. I reported my post, so I could not have made that much work for you. What others did is not my responsibility. Good gracious! Then to take it a step further and post on my visitor messages. Wow, just wow. Honestly, I stayed on these forums, because it was a safe place. It had moderators that had a good sense of boundaries and how not to abuse their power. Something has changed. Don't worry, I will not break anymore forum rules and post my farewell there. Good night.

Edited again: I did receive an apology for posting the message to my visitor board. I was told it was an accident. I was then informed that the "Merry Christmas" comment was not meant to be snarky, but to diffuse. I have spent some time thinking about this and honestly I just don't buy it. Maybe the visitor messaget was an accident, but the "Merry Christmas" was not kind in anyway. It is just illogical to think that it would be. I did try to discuss with the moderator the bind many are finding themselves in. That they are banned when they report posts. She wouldn't hear it. She insisted that it was not happening.

So, while I got the apology, it rang with a hollowness that leaves a nasty taste in my mouth.

I wish people would realize that there is actually strength in admitting inperfection. It is okay to drop the ball, just be honest about.